It's Better in Wyoming.

Thinking about the past few years, I realize that New Year's Eve is one of the times when I'm most confronted with the fact that I'm a pessimist.  I suppose people who know me already know that about me.  But somehow, the passing of another year makes me even more melancholic.  Despite having been surrounded tonight by some really great people--and also having met some great new people--New Year's Eve mostly makes me think more about what hasn't been accomplished in the last year than about the exciting things that the new year may hold. Really, what I usually want for New Year's Eve is to be alone, a chance to be introspective and still--quiet enough to actually feel  the weight (both positive and negative) of the previous year, the way that the day-to-day gravity of life has shaped me into something different, the way that the simple force of being alive has pulled me in new directions.  I think I wish for a clearer reckoning --a settling of the bills, an

I'll post more later, but for now: This article makes me think about a lot of things, not least of which is how close we are, every day, to death.  This story could've just as easily been about a freak accident that ended up with somebody in a pine box. It's a great day to be alive.

1.  This week, thank god for soccer.  Most weeks, I'd bitch about a schedule that tells me I'm expected to play four games in five days.  But this is the last week of classes, and I think that the opportunity to run off excess frustration on the soccer field may be the only thing that kept me from punching a face or doing something similarly stupid. 2.  Patagonia, fuck yeah: " On Black Friday, Patagonia  ran a full page ad   in  The New York Times  telling consumers  not  to buy one of their popular jackets because it takes so much water and energy to make, explaining that the ultimate saving is to forego buying something you do not really need."  Read the full story here .

somewhat unexpectedly I ended up at the football game today.  it was a good day for cowboy football--cowboys over new mexico 31-10--but also just a good day for november football in laramie.  the kind of cold day that makes you appreciate the sun, makes you glad to be standing in the student section because your ass would be freezing if you were sitting down anyway, makes you happy to be headed to the library late in the third quarter to eat wings and drink beer and get warm again.

... I wonder why it's acceptable to keep this guy in a counseling  job but not in his job as a football coach.  Seems like his, uh, error reflects as much on his fitness to counsel as it does on his ability to coach.

This article scares me. Here's just a short piece of the findings: " wells [near Pavillion, WY] contained benzene at 50 times the level that is considered safe for people." I worked in the oilfields for 2 summers, after high school, helping perform these fracking operations.  I didn't know any better.  Others I worked with might've known better, but what was their alternative?  I'm not talking about those at the decision-making level--those who are responsible for knowing better--but about those at the level of implementing somebody else's decisions.  What power do they have to say, "This is a bad idea, and I'm not going to participate"?

Going through some old files, I found this picture of my hand, clutching a delicious treat. Mmmm. I wish I was back in Vermont , eating a maple creemee . So delicious.

I like a description that can make an old song new again.  Here's what I am Fuel / You are Friends says about a song (one you've heard a million times before) on her fall mix: " sounds just exactly like twirling orange leaves drifting to the ground."  Mmm, that's nice.  Especially on a day, in Laramie, with six inches of fresh snow on the ground.

Today: 60s, breezy, and orange with the crunch of fallen leaves underfoot Prediction for Tuesday: 8 to 12 inches of snow, and a high of 27 Oh, Wyoming fall.  Why you gotta treat me this way?

This weekend I'll get to meet my new nephew.  Kaelen Quinn-Robert Chase.  Yay!

Riding my bike to campus this morning and watching as a kid driving a big Ford pickup tidily backed a generator into a parking lot of cars at the Washington Square Apartments, I wished I knew how to back up a trailer. I've had this wish for a while, but not much chance (not since I was 19 and working for the summer in the oil fields, when I occasionally drove the gooseneck) to practice.  It seems like the kind of skill a Wyoming boy should have.  But, also, I guess I realize that we all make choices about how to develop ourselves, and some skills are pretty hard to develop without a need. On the bright side, at least I haven't done anything like this ......

It's a rare summer that I get to dip my toes in both the Atlantic and the Pacific.  Here's a catch-up photo, from my trip with Maggie to San Diego/San Juan Capistrano at the end of August.  Yay, water!  Yay, travels! Which reminds me: one thing the summer taught me is that I still appreciate Wyoming.  I wondered if my time in Vermont, and a road trip across 2000 miles of country I've never seen, might create a yearning in me to be somewhere else, or might make me realize that my unwarranted sense of pride and awe about Wyoming is unfounded.  Instead, being somewhere else  mostly reinforced my commitment to Laramie, to my quick and affordable access to trails, to the view from my office of Medicine Bow Peak, and to the open landscapes I get to see every time I leave home to go somewhere else in this great state.  Don't get me wrong: I got to see a lot of great places this summer--places where I'm sure I could be perfectly happy and that I could grow to love.  Bu

On a trip to Jackson this weekend with Maggie, I commented that Montana seems to have done a much better job marketing its connection to the nation's first national park than Wyoming has.  The headline I spotted today really drives the point home.

This weekend was a pretty good one.  Dad and Susie came down, and we went for a little hike on the east side of Vedauwoo and ate some lunch of crackers and salami and apples there.  Yesterday was a pretty laid back day--we wandered around campus a bit before Dad and Susie left, and looked at the Chris Drury environmental sculpture on campus. Today Maggie and I climbed Med Bow, so now I've gotten in my yearly summit of the local big hill. Here's the obligatory shot of the mountains.  Even though I take essentially the same picture every time I go, I'm happy that the peaks still manage to create in me that "Holy shit! This is awesome!" feeling.  I hope that I never get used to the immensity and impressiveness of the landscape here.

Last weekend I made a quick trip up to Newcastle to see my grandparents, who were up from Arizona to visit my dad and see some other Black Hills family.  On the way back, I took the Glendo cut-across--a sweet little road that runs from the Hartville Highway (270) over to I-25, across the Glendo dam.  The first 10 miles or so is gravel, and it's some amazing country.  Here's a picture I took with my cell phone camera.  Big sky! Country roads! Antelope and deer roaming the bar-ditches! Sweetdamn! It's better in Wyoming. 

I've been back now, for a bit over two weeks.  I'm embarrassed to have failed, so far, to post about and reflect on the trip back, the sense of "homecoming," and life since being back in town.  What can I say, except: things have been busy. Laramie is spectacular in the summer.  Being away reminds me how much I've missed.  About two days after getting back to town, Maggie and I were out for a walk on a perfect Laramie night--about 75 degrees, the gentlest of breezes, and clear air in every direction.  Nights like these make me happy to call Laramie home. Last night, while at the new-faculty orientation dinner, we were temporarily driven into the dean's garage by a drive-by storm with surprisingly close thunder and lightning as well as a bright double-rainbow.  The walk home looked like this: Damn: I love this place. More to come, I promise.  Somehow the first week of classes (next week) seems like it will be peaceful in comparison to the whirlwind of

I'm putting this blog on break this summer, since it seems illogical to update a blog called "It's better in Wyoming"  while I'm spending the summer somewhere else.  Of course, this does NOT mean that I'm giving up my position on Wyoming.  Though I'm happy to have the chance to explore elsewhere this summer, I'm still pretty sure I'll come back feeling a renewed appreciation for my home state. Read all about summer adventures here .

I've been listening to a youtube pearljam playlist the past few days at work.  I got sucked into watching this video, which is weirdly mesmerizing.  There's so much interesting shit going on here, including awesome hair.  But really I think it's kind of beautiful.  Crazy that this was almost 20 years ago. Also it's funny that youtube thinks i might also like the video "big porch spiders" since i obviously like a song called "porch."

i'm halfway into painting one of my bedroom walls grey.  i'm not sure why grey seems like a good accent color, but i'm excited.  i also took down the cheapo curtain rod, which was falling down anyway, and the cheapo (and gross) vinyl mini-blinds. generally i'm happy to have my shopping located at arms-length (like, say, cheyenne or fort collins), but it was a little bit annoying yesterday to discover that i couldn't find a decent window covering in town.  wish i woulda discovered  that before the run to cheyenne last weekend.  eventually, though, it'll all look good--one more small thing that'l be better than it was when i moved in.

"And I know you have a heavy heart; I can feel it when we kiss So many men stronger than me have thrown their backs out trying to lift it But me I'm not a gamble--you can count on me to split. The love I sell you in the evening, by the morning won't exist." Maggie introduced me to this song a while ago.  Today it came across my Everybody Fields station on pandora.  I think it's incredible, but maybe not a song one should listen to on a late April day when spring just won't arrive.

I'm not sure that April has been all that busy a month, but it hasn't really lent itself to posts here.  But, rather than let the month pass unnoted: I'm now on "extended-term" track for my lectureship position.  This means, hopefully, more job security, a decent raise, and a bit more of a sense of belonging in the department. My goal of being in Vermont this summer is looking more and more realisitic.  Tentative plans include a three-day drive to VT, a house swap with a girl from Northfield who has a bunch of time off and can work remotely, daily biking in to Montpelier to "teach" my online course from one of their fine coffee shops, and some touring around the NE. I went swimming this past weekend and didn't die.  I kinda want to go back for more, even.  Even if all I'm doing is the elementary backstroke for twenty minutes, I'm still moving muscles that obviously aren't getting much exercise otherwise. I was supposed to see Will

Last night I checked out the free Murder by Death show on campus.  I'd heard of them, a little bit, through my roommate and his girlfriend, but didn't really know what to expect.  But a few of their songs on myspace music seemed pretty alright, so I figured it was worth a drop-by. With a name like "Murder by Death," I kinda figured it would be all angsty goth stuff, or something.  I didn't really know.  But actually a good bit of their stuff reminded me of the Old 97s, kinda, and Maggie said they reminded her of The Pogues, the Killers, Flogging Molly.  So, yeah: somewhere in that range.  I also like the term "vampire rock" for their stuff because of their Eastern European rhythms and because of the really fantastic dark cello.  If I were a vampire, I would want MBD as my soundtrack.  Fo' sho. Melissa dropped by the show too (I learned this morning), and here's her completely awesome and accurate description of the lead singer: "i  fou

Here are a few photos from my recent trip to Phoenix.  The first is Grandpa at the Roosevelt Dam; the second is south of here, on the Apache Trail, which was the supply trail used to get materials up the canyon to the damn building site. The trip was great.  Eighty-degree weather most days, some nice walks, lots of great scenery, and a chance to catch up with my grandparents, David, and Peter all in one quick trip.

Snowy Range Ski Area hosted a free potluck and full moon ski/snowshoe this past weekend.  My friends Melissa, Amarina, and Maggie and I went up the hill to check things out.  All in all, it was a great time, with good food and a good turnout.  I nearly missed the moon's emergence since Maggie let my water bottle go sliding off the backside of the ski-lift hill while we sitting waiting for it.  Of course, as soon as I headed down into the gully to see if I could find it (I couldn't), the moon decided to make its appearance.  Here's a decent picture I got as it was coming out of the clouds.

pandora just queued up pearl jam's "just breathe" on my avett bros. channel. i like "just breathe." i like the avetts. but i'm not sure that the two belong together.  it's interesting to hear them together and to wonder about the connections.  here's pandora's explanation about why eddie is hanging out with seth and scott: yep.  i guess i'm okay with that explanation.  extensive vamping indeed.

i feel like i should have something to say.  thursday i spent with my sister and niece and brother-in-law.  friday i got up at 2:30 to drive to dia to spend the day with my grandparents.  saturday i drove to prescott to spend the day with my friend david.  today i drove back to phoenix to have dinner with peter.  tomorrow grandpa and i may go check out tortilla flats. despite a lot of doing , however, i'm not sure what to say or feel or think about it all.  i'm not numb, really, but also not very contemplative or articulate either, apparently.

tonight was music night with melissa and amarina.  amarina was my almost-roommate this year, and since she's a botany person she now knows a lot of other people i already knew.  like mark, from the walden ski trip.  but, weirdly enough, melissa and amarina also both lived in moscow (idaho) before, at the same time, and they know several of the same people from there, too.  crazy!

asshat : that's a word that i rarely find use for in conversation or writing. What i really don't understand is how a clown like this could get more airtime than, say, Libya.  Maybe that's an overstatement.

i realize it's probably not very manly of me, but i like some of dar williams' stuff : we walk in the world of safe people and at night we walk into our houses and burn. that's a good line, that captures a lot of the things that we don't bother to say sometimes, out of fear of judgment, or threat of violence, or worry of ruining a relationship that works well enough, or whatever.  serenity, courage, wisdom. whatever.

the most amazing thing happened to me on the way home from campus today: i found some crackers in the back of my pickup!  i mean the type of crackers you eat, not white people. this is amazing not because there  weren't  supposed to be crackers there but because i actually remembered that (1) in fort collins on saturday i bought some crackers, (2) i realized in two days that i didn't know where the crackers were, and (3) i thought to look for them in the truck. i actually remembered something.  that's the amazing thing. usually this scenario would've played out like this: unpack the groceries from fort collins.  drive around for three weeks.  randomly open the tailgate and discover some crackers, smashed to bits from rolling around in the back of the truck.  say to myself: "oh! guess i forgot that i bought crackers in fort collins! ha! ha ha!" throw crackers away.  or, if they're not too mushed, save them for stew.  maybe even use them as impetus to

it's nice to be clean.  or, cleaner, at least.  it's been far too long since i did some decent cleaning around the house, and it feels good to know that things are less dusty/muddy/fuzzy/gross than before.

This weekend was the second annual Forest Service Cabin Trip.  We didn't start planning early enough to reserve the Brooklyn Lake Cabin, but that turned out okay because we were able to explore some new territory down by Walden, CO.  Melissa was a champ this year, following up on ridiculous hassles created by the online reservation system, but eventually we were able to get a one-night reservation for Grizzly Creek. Here's the cabin: The awesome FS dude at the Walden office called Melissa last week to let her know that we shouldn't plan on being able to drive all the way to the cabin (which the reservation system implies is possible).  So, instead, Mark, Yao, Melissa, and I loaded up packs, divvied out food, and skiied in.  Here we are making ready: The ski-in was about 3 miles, I'm guessing, and we did it in just over an hour.  Conditions were sunny and pretty calm; aside from sticky snow it was great. We ate like champs on the trip.  Veggie curry for dinner

I haven't had much to say about Cowgirl basketball this year.  Like everything else, I'm not sure why it doesn't strike me as worth noting here lately. Tonight: Cowgirl victory, a close game all night, but one in which they continue to show signs of improvement. The sense of ownership is a weird thing.  If any team is "my" team, it's the Cowgirls--the only team I watch live, and the only team that I might follow-up on after out-of-town games to see how they did.  What do I gain by noting the development of the team, by spending my emotions on their efforts, by feeling that I deserve to share their joy in victory?  And, why does society, in general, encourage us to take on these investments?  And why do I feel a bit guilty that I'd consider not renewing my season tickets next year? Ownership.  Weird.

Last night I was over to my friend George's place, for fried catfish and mixed veggies.  His sister and brother-in-law were in town, too. For my classes yesterday, I brought cookies; I had time before classes to walk down (in 40-degree weather!) to the co-op and pick some up.  Nothing special, but a small effort to observe Valentines Day. I might be misremembering, but it seems like I've been happy to spend Valentines these past few years by appreciating the relationships in my life--not the relationships that aren't  there, but the ones that are.

The past three days: Up up! Down. Up! Down. Up up! On Thursday morning, Anne and I drove over to Cheyenne for the workshop we've been preparing for the past several months.  The roads were a bit scary for the first 20 miles, but we got there in plenty of time to set up before the writers showed up.  At the end of Day 1, things seemed to have gone really well: lots of laughing, a good bit of real engagement and thoughtfulness, and some signs of progress. Down. By the end of Friday, I felt less positive about the amount of impact we were having on the writers.  I suppose this is entirely understandable: nobody gets "fixed" in 10 hours of writing instruction.  I should know that by now, and yet I really hoped the writers would go away from the workshop feeling that they had gained some real traction on improving their writing.  We'll sit down on Tuesday to review their evaluations, and hopefully we'll have a better sense, then, about how useful the sessions wer

I'm reposting this from Unity Politics , which in turn is posting from Letter to a Christian Nation  by Sam Harris.  I like it for capturing some of my own hesitancy about religious claims of the "right" version of the worlds we can't see. "I have no doubt that that your acceptance of Christ coincided with some very positive changes in your life. Perhaps you now love other people in a way that you never imagined possible. You may even experience feelings of bliss while praying. I do not wish to denigrate any of these experiences. I would point out, however, that billions of other human beings, in every time and place, have had similar experiences--but they had them while thinking about Krishna, or Allah, or the Buddha, while making art or music, or while contemplating the beauty of nature. There is no question that it is possible for people to have profoundly transformative experiences. And there is no question that it is possible for them to misinter

last night, on the way back from night-skiing with melissa, katie, and bryon, i said, "i don't know what i expected my life to look like at 33, but this definitely isn't it."  i mean, ten years ago i don't think i could've ever imagined how amazing and rich and full life feels to me right now.  ten years ago, i was a baby  in so many ways.  i won't claim that i've "grown up," but i take it as a huge sign of maturity that i'm okay with where i amt today, and i'm even more okay with trusting that the experiences ahead of me will be even better.  i've spent a lot of my life trying to predict the future, and i think i'm finally realizing that the unpredictability is part of the wonder. i admire my friends who are "settled down" and have kids and wives and lives that predict much of what the next steps of the years ahead will look like.  watching my niece grow up these past few years makes me realize that kids are their

My samples from The Perfumed Court arrived last week.  So, far, I'm excited.  Last night I wore D&G's Le Bateleur, which I picked because I was interested in trying some unisex scents.  Here's what atgstores says about the perfume: Anthology 1 Le Bateleur EDT Spray for Men and Women The very notion of provocation often has to do with the element of surprise and the juxtaposition of unexpected partners. Le Bateleur by Dolce and Gabanna, inspired by the Tarot card for the 'eternal charmer', mixes an equal amount of masculine (cardamom, juniper berry, vetiver) and feminine (olibanum, dewy accords) touches to render something that is neither, but which moves with dynamism into a new freedom of playfulness. A spicy citrus with a twist! Top Notes: Cardamom, Juniper Berry, Birch Leaf Middle Notes: Aquatic Accord, Coriander Base Notes: Vetiver, White Cedar, Oliban I like it.  Reviews on other sites argue that Le Bateleur is a cliched version of Acqua di Gio, but I

Sometimes I'm guilty of taking my family for granted.  I hardly ever blog about them or spend much time being consciously grateful for their support and sincerity.  But when I think about other families, and their odd little preferences and manipulations and unforgiven hurts, it makes me realize how lucky I am to have a family that hasn't really participated in that type of bullshit too much.  Instead, we just get together and appreciate the good stuff.  Like my niece Kendall, the littlest member of the family: Yep--my family is all right.

Another of the reasons I love Eddie Vedder:

finally finished reading  The Perfect Scent . ordered a half-dozen perfume samples from The Perfumed Court. started reading  No-Impact Man . now I feel guilty about all the packaging and transportation waste caused by my order. hell.

i feel like my life would be a whole lot easier if this equation worked out: like + like + like + like + n (like) = love i mean, it seems so simple: if you like enough things about a person, that should add up to love.  but it doesn't quite work out that way.  not for me, at least. if i'm honest with myself, i guess i don't really want my heart to be controlled by such simple math, but sometimes i wish the equation was a little bit easier to solve.

Despite wind chill readings of -10, Katie and I headed up to the Tie City trailhead just as the sun was setting, for my second go at night skiing. Two fine feet, one good friend, miles of trail minutes from town, and a good scarf to keep me warm. What more do I need in life? It's easy to get sucked into wanting more, but--gawddamm!--nights like these remind me that I've got plenty to be thankful for. Amen.

last night i drove down to greeley to stay at sarah and joel's.  they took me out to birthday dinner and then we had schwan's peppermint ice cream for dessert.  note: schwan's peppermint ice cream is delicious, even though it's green.  seems like peppermint ice cream should be pink, but no. then this morning i drove down to golden for my old college roommate's wedding.  i got to meet aaron's fiance (then-girlfriend) last fall when they were on their way to yellowstone.  she seems super great.  the ceremony lasted twenty minutes.  the part i liked best was watching aaron and molly while the officiant dude was talking, because they looked so happy to be there together (and so oblivious to the officiant dude blabbing on).  at the ceremony i ended up next to aaron's aunt and uncle who, turns out, live in laramie. then i drove along the foothills rather than taking the interstate back up to fort collins, and the drive today was great.  clear, sunny, snow-capp

fact: frozen m&ms are two times as good as m&ms at room temperature.  putting them in the freezer is like doubling your money.

After a pretty spectacular trip to Yellowstone ("spectacular" in both good and bad ways), I was home a day earlier than expected and ended up making my own birthday cake.  In terms of presentation, it's not much to look at (definitely not as pretty as it would've been if Steph made it), but it tastes pretty damn good: Before cake, Katie and Bryon took me out for dinner at the Chinese restaurant.  All in all, Chinese food and german chocolate cake is a pretty nice way to end the first day of the new year.