disappointment
So a few weeks ago I responded to a posting on the campus classifieds, a woman from Riverton who needed to be on campus for summer and fall and who was looking for a place to stay during that time. The living situation she'd intended to have ended up falling through, she got the shaft, and was looking to find something, quick, that would work.
It sounded like a pretty good situation for me, I thought, so I emailed her so that I could ensure I'd have help with rent through summer and fall. She came down to check the place out (with her husband), and indicated that she was definitely up for sharing the place with me. In the meantime I haven't been looking around for other rentals or roommates.
Tonight I got an email from the woman, saying she's sorry but she's got something else lined up that is going to work better for her. How she's sorry and all, but it's a perfect situation and thanks anyway. After I've already talked to the landlord about putting leases together for us.
As my friend David would say, "She might as well just have looked at you and said, 'Fuck you, Fisher.'" That's definitely the way I feel. Let down. Like I need to be disappointed by another person who doesn't understand the concept of mutual agreement. Like I need to feel stepped on by another person who's just looking out for number one.
Of course, I realize, it's not personal. I could see myself doing the same type of thing in a similar situation. But piss, it's discouraging, and the timing is lousy, because I suspect that I'll now be stuck paying rent on my own for the summer, unless I want to move out, which doesn't seem all that appealing to me.
On the good side, it's another learning experience. After all, she didn't owe me anything and never promised anything; nothing was on paper. So what do I have to be mad about? Really, why should her decision affect my state of mind? Relative to other things going on in the world, this is small stuff. And maybe it will pave the way for something better.
Speaking of things that are much bigger than my own frustrations, I read one piece of news about VT that did affect me today. It was just a brief list of victims with bios. One of the fatalities was a professor who was reportedly one of the top five biomechanics researchers in the country, studying cerebral palsy. Suddenly the impact of Cho Seung-Hui seems much greater: potentially the life of each person afflicted with cerebral palsy might have been changed by research that now may never be accomplished.
A posting on the listserv for Writing Programs Administrators also sobers me; one English professor at VT mentions that, when she heard the shootings had taken place in the campus's engineering building, she immediately thought of engineering students who were taking her advanced writing course, students who were eager to graduate, begin new jobs, find new places to live, enter into a new stage of life. I'm teaching a senior-level writing class, filled with many future engineers (and kinesiologists and counselors and marketing consultants), and filled with a sense of anticipation about the next steps in these lives.
I'm not sure that these connections make me feel more for the victims at VT. But they do make me think more about the individuals who fill my life now, who take up my thoughts and my efforts and my concerns, and it makes me want to serve them better and treat them better. Life is too short.
It sounded like a pretty good situation for me, I thought, so I emailed her so that I could ensure I'd have help with rent through summer and fall. She came down to check the place out (with her husband), and indicated that she was definitely up for sharing the place with me. In the meantime I haven't been looking around for other rentals or roommates.
Tonight I got an email from the woman, saying she's sorry but she's got something else lined up that is going to work better for her. How she's sorry and all, but it's a perfect situation and thanks anyway. After I've already talked to the landlord about putting leases together for us.
As my friend David would say, "She might as well just have looked at you and said, 'Fuck you, Fisher.'" That's definitely the way I feel. Let down. Like I need to be disappointed by another person who doesn't understand the concept of mutual agreement. Like I need to feel stepped on by another person who's just looking out for number one.
Of course, I realize, it's not personal. I could see myself doing the same type of thing in a similar situation. But piss, it's discouraging, and the timing is lousy, because I suspect that I'll now be stuck paying rent on my own for the summer, unless I want to move out, which doesn't seem all that appealing to me.
On the good side, it's another learning experience. After all, she didn't owe me anything and never promised anything; nothing was on paper. So what do I have to be mad about? Really, why should her decision affect my state of mind? Relative to other things going on in the world, this is small stuff. And maybe it will pave the way for something better.
Speaking of things that are much bigger than my own frustrations, I read one piece of news about VT that did affect me today. It was just a brief list of victims with bios. One of the fatalities was a professor who was reportedly one of the top five biomechanics researchers in the country, studying cerebral palsy. Suddenly the impact of Cho Seung-Hui seems much greater: potentially the life of each person afflicted with cerebral palsy might have been changed by research that now may never be accomplished.
A posting on the listserv for Writing Programs Administrators also sobers me; one English professor at VT mentions that, when she heard the shootings had taken place in the campus's engineering building, she immediately thought of engineering students who were taking her advanced writing course, students who were eager to graduate, begin new jobs, find new places to live, enter into a new stage of life. I'm teaching a senior-level writing class, filled with many future engineers (and kinesiologists and counselors and marketing consultants), and filled with a sense of anticipation about the next steps in these lives.
I'm not sure that these connections make me feel more for the victims at VT. But they do make me think more about the individuals who fill my life now, who take up my thoughts and my efforts and my concerns, and it makes me want to serve them better and treat them better. Life is too short.
Comments