R-E-S-P-E-C-T
Seems like there should be a lot to say; so much is going on right now. But somehow the general busy-ness pushes out reflective thought, or something.
I went for a run last night. I didn't really intend to--actually I was hoping to play catch. But I ended up doing a lap around Washington Park instead. Then running home from the library a bit later. A little more than a mile, all total. It felt great to be out running, actually, better than it ever has. I'm definitely outta shape, but it was still fun. I always start too fast, though, and then run out of gas about 600 meters into things. Maybe I can get back into shape for a 5k.
I like to think that I'm a respectable person, but I'm not sure that's true lately. I notice myself pushing away the people that I admire, sometimes, because I'm so tired of feeling unworthy of their respect, worried that at this low point I'm likely to lose their respect if they get closer, close enough to see the me that's acting so selfishly and so immaturely and so irresponsibly. Which is not to say that I'm trying very hard to be more selfless, mature, or responsible, because I'm not sure that that's what I want right now. I feel somehow like the frustration of feeling uncertain and unstable is really, really good for me. Or it will be good for me, if I can just get through it without trying too hard to shut down the uncertainty. Teachers say that "making the familiar strange" is good for learning. I guess I'm trying to let myself be a stranger.
I went for a run last night. I didn't really intend to--actually I was hoping to play catch. But I ended up doing a lap around Washington Park instead. Then running home from the library a bit later. A little more than a mile, all total. It felt great to be out running, actually, better than it ever has. I'm definitely outta shape, but it was still fun. I always start too fast, though, and then run out of gas about 600 meters into things. Maybe I can get back into shape for a 5k.
I like to think that I'm a respectable person, but I'm not sure that's true lately. I notice myself pushing away the people that I admire, sometimes, because I'm so tired of feeling unworthy of their respect, worried that at this low point I'm likely to lose their respect if they get closer, close enough to see the me that's acting so selfishly and so immaturely and so irresponsibly. Which is not to say that I'm trying very hard to be more selfless, mature, or responsible, because I'm not sure that that's what I want right now. I feel somehow like the frustration of feeling uncertain and unstable is really, really good for me. Or it will be good for me, if I can just get through it without trying too hard to shut down the uncertainty. Teachers say that "making the familiar strange" is good for learning. I guess I'm trying to let myself be a stranger.
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